Cracked Doorway

Stopped fighting against the past, leaving her where she lies.  In the back of my mind, in those memories, this is where she will reside.  Again I am tired of fighting to move forward in my life, why is it such of an ongoing bout of strife?  It should not take all the energy in my body to progress; it should not take away all my strength with this stress.  I believe in myself and I do not let that falter, well sometimes I stumble when thrust before the alter, it is as if I am destined to fail with the mentality of success, so what if I change my mentality to dejection, will that get me out of this mess?  I want to look at situations with optimism and take that light to my goal, in the end, I am slapped in the face with opposition and my eyes are blind to the world.  Unable to see what I want but my heart still feels it exists, I am unable to feel how I want, yet my emotions cannot resist.  Resist the urge to live, to breathe, and to desire the air of the world; I miss feeling loved dearly, I miss the feeling of someone thinking about me.  Among that I miss the feeling of camaraderie, it is an exceptional feeling to know there is someone standing beside me, now all I have is the breeze, cold and lonely, my existence consists of a single one, me, the one and only.  It takes a choice to be in a life, it takes a choice to build with the time, the choices made towards me are to turn away, run and hide, lash out and attack, leave and say goodbye.


Fear of Love

You do not want to love me, you think it is what you desire, yet you push me away, want me to go farther and farther, you do not want to love me, you question the ability to love you, you wonder which is more important, to have what you want or wear the other shoe, the one you have been hit with time and time again, the one where you are the one breaking hearts over and over again, where you can stand alone and bask in the glow of your own opulence, the one where you stand alone and all around you there is a fence, or is it a cage, these bars and brick and mortar that you have contained yourself within, the type of walls and prison that you find yourself living in, the type of container that you have always hated, because you were held captive and not living there as a native.  One of those moments where when the key is at your feet, you rather build a wall to separate you from being free.  You do not truly want to be mine, gain your freedom under my dominion, as much as you say I have you, fear truly owns you and for fear you walk the line, as for me, you leave me behind, running the world and giving your care to all others and the scraps might come to me, usually even then you rather retreat than face me, embrace me, engage me to where your heart and emotions are receptive of me, much harder to leave, yet you are forcing on your shoes, receiving blisters and bruises on your feet, trying to walk the path not meant, going barefoot down a glass street.  I am truly not your King, while you live in my house to be adored as a Queen, highest throne you gain, all parts of you accepted and goal is to keep you happily maintained, I am more the pauper than royalty, more of the street rat, correction, I live inside the gutter.  You think it easier and better for you to finally reach a moment of not caring, yet your heart is running towards me and your fear has switched places with sharing, sharing of your heart, emotions, thoughts, and feelings, you do not want to love me because you are afraid of living.

Craving Necessity

I crave you
those chocolate mountains with
the perfect kiss of a peak
I yearn to climb until I
hear that tremble when you breathe
Those curves and hills
that appear too dangerous to drive
for the inexperienced, yes
for someone with motor skills
and that high level of precision
to maneuver those curves
gripping the road so right
wheels squeal
engines roar
I will make your body feel more than alive
while you have the curves
I will show you the best way to ride
I thirst for your valley
I thirst for that waterfall
that continuous ecstasy of squeezing
and drenching
those moments when the body
becomes tense
and releases all the stress
those moments when the jungle
hears the screams
prey versus predator
yet this is not the hunt
this is the conquest
and much more
 but nothing less
rhythmic drums pounding in our minds
through our spirits
all we feel are the pulses
the universe is the ones who hear it
for each time we connect
we put other bonds on notice
those lacking one as a whole
pay attention
I desire your beauty
I crave the pleasing of you
and living as many moments as possible
inside of our intimacy
your body drives me crazy
I will not deny that
just looking at your curves
your skin
your eyes
your lips
I have to mentally hold myself back
looking at you sometimes
I just want to attack
clothes in shreds
hair a mess
furniture in a state of disarray
pure temptation
by your voice
your touch
the way that you walk
how you make those hips sway
your personality
your greatness you carry
the growth you continue to achieve
makes loving you
more than a craving

it is a need



Love Spoken in Action

Although she may not speak it at all times
or show you all the signs,
her love for you is fierce
just read between the lines.
Call her and try to hold
a conversation
and if you are lucky
you may hear her voice change
in anticipation
That slight change in tone will
make you feel good
keep up doing all the things
that you know you should
Her love for you is strong
sometimes in the silent and deadly ways
The same as a predator
stalks their prey
just another one of her methods
to fight for you on any day
Most of the time you will never know
about those battles
she handles them on her own
and you will be none the wiser
Her love for you is intense
There will be those moments of admiration
of memories of bliss
whether you are around and sometimes
when you are not
just be very accepting of the
spontaneous affection
whether you know the reason or not
While you supply her attention
provide her with her needs
you are not trapping yourself
you are fueling the fire
Priming the volcano
For when that beauty erupts
you will be grateful that she chose you
The key is to be chosen as her King
we live in a jungle
you should desire a Queen
who trusts you as a leader
who believes you worthy
of all of her love
These Queens fight and show their love
in more ways than we know
remain diligent and accepting
it is a very lonely world
when they go.