Journal of Words Not Spoken

I have no words anymore
just thoughts
feelings
little glimpses of what can be
of what should be
of what might have been
I have lived my life in the sense of lacking regret
feeling as if I have expressed it all
one way or the other
I let it all out
I remain transparent
I remain an open book
I have yet to be truly read
furthest away from any understanding
yet I keep going forward
never demanding
just living
or to be honest
surviving.
There are parts of my life I wish to increase
income
family
love
trust
affection and passion
so much that can be
much more than the current status
maybe there are some things
left to be said
perhaps I have some words
that are left in the air
Father,
I forgive you for your absence
While I do wish to find you again
it is more so for the other family that I have lacked
if I am to have siblings
I wish to know them
more importantly
I wish for my daughter to know them
for my sake
I learned my morality and how to be a man
without you
I learned how to accept responsibility
without you
I learned how to be a proper father
without advice from you
In the end
I will say thank you
I appreciate you more for not being there
Past love,
I am sorry and grateful for the trials we faced
I apologize for the hurt I caused
I am grateful for the growth you created
If there is anything right in this world
your happiness you gained from my failure
I am most grateful for that
whether I failed you on purpose
or by mistake
or simply by fate
I did care for you and always want you happy
I am in great appreciation
that it did happen
for you
I have said these things before
just putting them out there for the world
a few words to get off my chest
my continued story will tell the rest

 

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