Letter of Apology to Love and Passion

I miss laughing with you, the jokes, the fun, the wit and playful banter

I miss just laying with you, with movies, pillow conversations, in-depth learning

I miss the feeling of taking you away from it all, making you feel special

showing you that I want the time with just you, showing you my complete interest

I miss real moments of affection, I miss those moments of intimacy

I miss kisses, hugs, hands being held, my hand resting in comfort

your hand resting in security, I miss being that comfort, peace, and security

I miss being a protector, I miss being a provider, and yet with each of these

I do not mean monetary

I miss being the provider for those emotions you desire

the calm to the storm that rages on in your mind

the peace that can assure you that everything will work itself out

that worldly passion that proves to you that you are desired and wanted

There are great many things I miss in our dealings, love, we have a history

the frequency of which instances persist is a consistency that hurts

It is painful to miss you while feeling hurt by you, by the wall you hold in front of me

by the pain of your past and issues of the world, my perfection was never the sole cause

I do not wish to live the life of love where I miss everything that brought us to each other

while watching it not occur, being told that it should not occur, being faulted in love

understanding that work is needed, being the only one slated for construction

a desire to rebuild yet only destruction coming from the place of togetherness

solitude needed

I am sorry that it all changed, I am sorry that we both felt pain

the need for self is to be boosted, positive energy, forward progress and movement

understanding of self and misunderstandings left in the past

the proof of growth and change is needed and required, far past just desire

clarity can come from pain, can come from the need for change

repair and rebuild needs a blueprint, needs the explanation of why it went

down and where it was broken beyond it all

I miss you, love, you have eluded me so much yet with each instance

I find more of what I desire from you and what I desire to give you

the world is not enough, love is not enough, passion never enough

immeasurable the needs and wants that play a role in this pursuit

being wanted more important than being needed

I am sorry that it is not as easy to move again inside of where pain lived

where importance did not exist, where irrelevance became my first name

neglected and misunderstood the middle and surname respectively

I am sorry that we miss one another yet hurt one another

This is just a moment to say that I understand, that we do not need to remain

on separate ends of the spectrum

this is purely…..

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