Notebook Chronicles #31

I will be honest in saying that the pain and climate has shaped my brain. It is hard to imagine the reality of you when all around me constantly is dishonesty and pride, vanity and purely lustful desire while I do my best to remain humble and true. From moments of stated purposed abandonment to subtle sweet lies of my goodness being the biggest of hindrances, I have heard and felt every reason someone does not want to be with me. In many ways, I have felt every way these same people care not for me. Is it really so cruel to tell the truth or is it better to hurt me then keep me on the line with a lie just in case you need me later. Be honest rather than lie, let me know I’m not your type; tell me that you find me absolutely unattractive; I will honestly have more respect for you afterwards. Tell me that you only desire me sexually and trust me I need that to be confirmed. After being called disgusting physically, that is a status I will still be proud to have earned. Amazing how many women hate being lied to yet they do so very often and call it being kind. Show your true mercy with honesty so that way you do not lose someone you were just pretending to be friends with anyway.

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