Maybe I Should Have

It is said consistently that it will always be hard

those real attachments are worth the battle

the blood, sweat, and tears that come with the scars

the best relationship will be a test of your mettle

maybe I should have stayed

 

yet you built yourself from the grown up for him

comparisons ran rampant and my value fell

for this pinnacle I could never reach, never win

the battle for your heart, the truth to never tell

maybe I should have never tried

 

my dedication to you tore everything apart

familial ties being broken and battered

not only hurting myself by breaking my heart

but those innocent ones that truly mattered

maybe I should have fought

 

and made it so much harder for you to abuse me

turned the tables and made it miserable more

created the arguments instead, shake the tree

force you to not love me, hate me, lose the war

maybe I should have resolve

 

or rather lost that resolve and accepted the pain

emotional, mental, physically damaged beyond belief

suicide attempt failed, should have made that a success plain

and simple, accepted the abuse and gave you all relief

maybe I should have lost myself

 

that is out of my character yet I keep hearing

how horrible of a person I am

how much I find joy in doing all the tearing

down of you, not seeing I am your fan

maybe I should have left sooner

 

and when it finally happened, it would be clean

smooth transition for you to lose what did not

really matter, if I ever could truly mean

the world to you, I felt like the dead, left to rot

maybe I should have died

 

then these words would not come out my mouth

out of my pen, out of my mind, where you live

six feet under, going further down south

immortal sin, for you I gave all that I had to give

maybe I should have never responded

 

then this tale would be untold

spoken by no one

but I missed your presence, my life was cold

now it is even more empty and alone

and you are gone

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