for majority of my life, my wish for that was stronger than my lust for death
stronger than my hatred for my life, for the majority of my years
and now that wish is the strongest one affecting my immediate health.
How can you cope with some things when you can’t remember the happiness
when all of your memories are erased because of your age, or emotional state
how can you truly cope with a lot of things, when your eyes won’t express
all the pain that is inside of your body, pain that has no way to escape.
As strong of an individual I could be, I would be better if I was granted that wish
I can say I barely even grieved in that fashion over the most influential person in my life
everyday I grieve with my heart, missing her in one way or the other, I can’t help but miss
her every minute I’m alive, because all I’ve gained does not feel as good, it is just filled with strife
On the brink, I wake up in the middle of the night scared now, that is definitely a first
but I really am alone, and as much as I need it, I won’t be allowed to quench this thirst.