Deep within this mind of mine I wonder what I am soon to become, the person I once hated and rejected or the person I know I should become. My happiness and clarity have all left me, I have no outlets other than pen and paper to take me away from this world that I live in. Someone asked me the other day, if I had any friends, and I could honestly say in all sincerity that I don’t. I apologize for those who may feel offended but listen to my words and see if I make sense to you then. I wake up in the morning, I go throughout days and weeks at a time and I might hear from someone, then again, I usually don’t hear from anyone. When it comes down to times to talk, I have no one to turn to, honestly, my phone book in my phone consists of less numbers than fingers on my hands. I don’t even have to use a full appendage to say how many people actually call me. Since my arrival in this area, I had only one true strand of happiness and that was the woman I was in love with, well I am still in love with but she desires to have me completely out of her life. Only being cordial where it is due, but not because she would want to actually speak or respond to me, but simply because it is polite. I know she has no use of me, probably never did because of so many other people in her life. A conversation about being alone, needing people, and things of that sort made me come to a few conclusions. We are told that God doesn’t put more on you than you can bear, which in that case, my love for that woman should not have been too much for her to handle; however, it was and so in that case I believe she ran away as opposed to leaving. As did the many other women in my life, they would run away, could they handle me, could they understand me, the answer is clear. Yes, but that is where our free will comes in as well as faith. If we believe that whatever we go through, we can handle as long as we keep our faith in God, then there is truly nothing that we cannot handle, nor anything that God will put upon us that we cannot handle. In my life, there is one problem though, if I am being strong all the time, how can I enjoy the life I am in? As I previously stated, I have no real friends around me, no real companions to talk to, no one to hang out with or things of that sort, I am in a completely new area with really no funds to even get out into the society because of the constant struggle to survive I am in day by day. I hear so many bothersome quotes about how not to make someone extremely important to you without them doing so first, how selfish and stupid is that. First question, who are we in the first place? In every story, fiction or non-fiction, humans fate is to live and to die. There are other creatures that live on far longer than we ever could aspire to, the creatures of legend, the “fairy” creatures, and most importantly those fables and stories that we tell our children and those we were told as children. For those who are Christians, who were we, when Jesus died for us. We beat him, cursed him, disowned him, and treated him badly throughout his life; however, he is the one who died for us. Gave his life for us. Made us his everything when we treated him as nothing, made us his priority when he was an option to us. The same thing that allowed him to give his life for us is the same thing that makes some your everything, makes someone a priority in your life, and that is love. The first book of Corinthians puts it out there for us to read and understand, and yet we only can seem to quote that when we are newly with someone, getting married to someone, or trying to prove a point, yet who actually lives by that doctrine. When living in this world, one can find truth everywhere, but that is even if truth exists. Some say that truth is just a representation, not real, but dependent upon the person listening and paying attention to what is said or shown, then upon the person themselves, they decide if it is truth or not. There are messages everywhere, the most congenial thing to an adult can be the factor in life that teaches their children life long lessons, video games, comic book characters, and cartoons. We are only encouraged them when we are young, mostly as a means to waste time and keep us out of the face of our parents, but what if a child decides to learn from what he sees and what he hears. The best thing in life to make survival easier, is to have multiple educations. One of the reasons we have some of the most prominent entertainers of the world, are because of two or more educations. School or as we say book smarts, street smarts, and religious strength. The Five Percent Nation or better known as the Nation of Gods and Earths was founded in the streets, taught in the streets, and still continues to thrive based on that same origin. So what I believe you may not believe, but if I am to educate someone the way that I see best fit in order to make them a better person, then what I believe becomes the truth as do I, if they are to believe in me. All I can do though, is live honestly and hope that my words and actions go accordingly to what I am saying and that I am believed in; however, if I am not believed in then I have simply failed in my duty to uphold what I believe is true.